Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

You’ve probably heard that your thoughts shape your reality. But how often do you stop to examine your self-talk?

Is your inner dialogue empowering, honest, and aligned with your potential?  Or is it quietly draining your confidence and limiting you?

Most people don’t realize how much of their day is spent listening to self-talk that keeps them stuck.

You might be aiming for a promotion or stepping into a bigger leadership role. Maybe you're ready to grow your business to the next level.

But thoughts like “I’m not ready,” “I always mess this up,” or “I’m falling behind” are quietly playing in the background. They may sound like facts, but they are often just well-rehearsed habits of thought.

And habits, as you know, can be changed.

Let’s take a closer look at five patterns of negative self-talk that can quietly sabotage your success. Then we’ll explore how to shift them with intention.

1. You’re repeating mental scripts that don't serve you any more

Many of the beliefs you carry today were formed long ago, often without your awareness.  According to Dr. Maxwell Maltz - author of the landmark book, Psycho-Cybernetics - your self-image is an unconscious mental blueprint or picture of yourself. 

And here’s the thing. Your brain doesn’t ask whether your self-image and the stories you tell yourself are true; it simply follows your mental programming. 

Dr. Maxwell Maltz said it best:

“The self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment.”

This isn’t about false confidence. It’s about noticing when your thoughts are based on who you used to be - an outdated self-image - instead of who you are becoming.

Try this: Pay attention to the thoughts you repeat the most. Then, ask yourself, “Would I say this to someone I respect?”

If not, reframe it and speak to yourself from your current strength.

2. You’re letting your mind run on autopilot

Most people believe whatever thought comes along. They don’t realize that their thoughts may be wrong.  And when your thinking is on autopilot, it can sound like:

“I need to have things perfect before I’m ready.”

“What if this goes wrong?”

“I should’ve handled that better.”

It creates loops. You overanalyze, second-guess, and still feel unclear.

This is where metacognition comes in -  your ability to think about your thinking. Observing your habitual thoughts and behavior will help you train yourself to shift from reaction to reflection.

Try this: Pause once or twice a day and ask, “What am I telling myself right now?” Then ask, “Is this helping me?”

That simple check-in can redirect the entire tone of your day.

3. You’re wired for negativity, but you can rewire it

The human brain has a built-in negativity bias. In other words, it’s always scanning for what’s wrong or what could go wrong, especially in you. Scientists believe this was useful for survival and human evolution. But today, it can leave you feeling like you’re never doing enough.

As psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Rick Hanson explains,

“The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.”

It’s why you remember the one mistake, not the ten things you did right. But here’s the truth: positivity is not about ignoring problems. It’s about training your brain to also see what’s working.

Try this: Before bed, write down three things that went well. Then, acknowledge your small wins and proud moments. The more you do this, the more your brain learns to acknowledge and register success.

4. You’re letting your language define your identify

Every time you say “I’m bad at this” or “I’m just not that kind of person,” you’re reinforcing a version of yourself that may no longer be true.

Your words don’t just describe your experience. They shape your identity and affirm your self-image.

Even small statements like “I’m always behind” become patterns. You start believing that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.

Try this: Start speaking in terms of growth. For example, instead of “I’m terrible at public speaking,” try “I’m learning how to speak with more presence.”

What this shift does is to help expand the possibilities for who you’re becoming.

5. You don't question the validity of your inner critic

Everyone has an inner critic, but that doesn't mean you give it a microphone.

The voice in your head that says “don’t speak up,” “you’re not ready,” or “you’re going to fail”, is not your truth. It's your subconscious mental programming trying to protect you and keep you in familiar terrain.

It wants to keep you safe. But it often ends up keeping you small.

Try this: Instead of pushing the critic away, get curious. Ask, “What is this voice trying to protect me from?" Usually, it’s guarding against embarrassment, rejection, or uncertainty.

Acknowledge it and then choose a more grounded, supportive thought.

Self-talk is not something you “fix.” It’s something you train.

Your self-talk shapes the way you feel, the way you lead, and the way you see your place in the world.

As Emmet Fox explained in The Seven Day Mental Diet, "Thought is the real causative force in life and there is no other. You cannot have one kind of mind and anotoher kind of environment."

This means that if you want to improve your results - achieving the next promotion or the next level of leadership, growing your business or whatever it might be for you - you're going to have to change your self-talk:

• Pay attention to the limiting thoughts you say the most and reframe them
• Observe your habitual thoughts to shift from reaction to reflection
• Acknowledge your wins and what's going well
• Think growth to support you in expanding the area of what's possible for you
• Be curious and choose life-affirming thoughts

And when you shift your inner dialogue, even just a little, you will feel more control over your life and results!

If this resonated with you, you might benefit from my YouTube video: The REAL Reason You're Stuck where I share 5 stps to reprogram your subconscious mind for success: