How to Get Clear on Your Boundaries

How's your state of being today?

It’s a question I’ve been reflecting on recently, and one I often ask the leaders I work with.

Your state of being determines a great deal about how you'll experience your day. It influences how clearly you think, how patient you are with others, how creative your ideas become, and even how resilient you feel when challenges arise.

When our state of being is grounded and energized, we tend to move through the day with more clarity and ease.

When it’s depleted, everything can begin to feel heavier.

One of my growing concerns in today’s professional environment is how many capable, high-achieving people are operating from a state of exhaustion.

Burnout researcher Kandi Wiens has written in Harvard Business Review that burnout has become the new baseline in many workplaces, and that the “sheer number of people experiencing burnout” is higher than ever. (1)

Among the high-achieving leaders I work with, the pattern sometimes feels even more pronounced.

I’ve experienced this personally as well. At different points in my career, I found myself running at full speed but feeling exhausted.

Looking back, the issue wasn’t simply long hours or hard work. It was something more subtle.

I had never clearly defined what I would and would not take on.

In other words, my boundaries weren't clear.  And when boundaries aren’t clear, even the most capable and dedicated people can slowly become overextended.

The Belief That's Keeping You Stuck

I've worked with executives and high performers for years. And one of the most common things I hear, either out loud or underneath the surface, is this fear: "If I set boundaries, people will think I'm not committed."

I understand that fear and I've felt it myself.

But I want to offer you a different way to look at it. Boundaries aren't a sign that you're pulling back. They're a sign that you're leading well. The most respected, high-performing leaders I know are also the clearest about what they protect.

When you don't name your boundaries, people can't see them. And when you don't honor them yourself, you train everyone around you to ignore them too.

What Unclear Boundaries Actually Feel Like

Look for these signs:

• You agree to something and immediately wish you hadn't
• You feel a quiet resentment toward certain people, meetings, or projects and you're not sure why
• You feel overwhelmed, and your first instinct is to blame yourself for not handling it better

That resentment is a signal that something in your world doesn't have enough clarity around it.

A Simple Check Before You Commit

Before you say yes to anything, pause and run through three quick questions:

• Does this fit my current priorities?
• Does this support my health and energy?
• Does this protect the quality of what I've already committed to?

If the honest answer to any of those is no, that's important information. You don't have to explain it or defend it. You just need to honor it.

And if you need a practical sentence to hold your boundary at work, try this:

"I'm heads-down on the priority we agreed on. If something becomes urgent, text me."

It's short, clear and professional, and communicates focus.

The Part Most People Miss

Here's something I've learned both in my own life and through working with clients: a lot of burnout doesn't actually start with overcommitment, but with unclear expectations.

When no one knows exactly what you're responsible for, or what's in and out of scope, things pile up quietly. You end up carrying more than you agreed to, often without anyone even realizing it. 

The fix isn't always saying no more often. Sometimes it's just being more precise up front. For example, clarify the scope, name the limits and define what done looks like.

More clarity at the start means far less to manage at the end.

Try This Today

Pick one area in your life or work where you feel that slow burn of resentment or overwhelm.

Ask yourself: where is the expectation unclear here? Did you ever actually name what you were and weren't taking on?

Start there and then get specific. Write it down if it helps.

Here’s what I know to be true: when you lead yourself with clarity, everything around you begins to get clearer too. Your state of being becomes lighter, your decisions improve, and your energy returns.

When your state of being is grounded and energized, you move through the day with more ease. You become more patient with others, more creative in your thinking, and more resilient when challenges arise.

And just as importantly, the people around you know what they can count on from you.

If burnout or constant pressure is something you’ve been navigating, I’ve created a resource that may be helpful.

It’s called the Sustainable Leadership Toolkit, and it includes practical strategies to help you lead with more clarity, steadiness, and energy.

Download your free toolkit here.

Sources:

(1) Harvard Business Review (April 23, 2024). How Burnout Became Normal - And How to Push Back Against It by Kandi Wiens. Accessed on March 16, 2025 https://hbr.org/2024/04/how-burnout-became-normal-and-how-to-push-back-against-it